Thursday, June 17, 2010

At Least They're Not Toddlers

Team Fearful Symmetry

This morning my neighbor flagged me down as he was driving to work. He rolled down his window, and I stopped next to his car. Hey what's up I asked him. Those your dogs? He wanted to know. I wasn't sure which dogs he was talking about. None were evident at that time, and he wasn't pointing in any particular direction. I didn't feel responsible for ALL dogs, at that moment anyway, so I inquired, Which dogs are we talking about? And he retorted, the ones cavorting about his front yard at 5 am on Sunday morning. Oh those dogs, I wanted to say, except we both knew there was no chance I also was cavorting anywhere near his front yard at that time on that day of the week, so I probed deeper: what sort of dogs are we talking about? He described them, giving me enough data to narrow them down to one particular co-neighbor who sometimes leaves a door open here, a running vehicle there, and told him so: probably they just escaped to freedom for the umpteenth time. That seemed to satisfy him, canine-identity-wise. "Well," he concluded, "At least they aren't toddlers," and drove off.

Laughed my ass off. Because, not being able to help myself, I pictured a band of rogue toddlers invading his front lawn at 5am on a Sunday morning, bulgy pull-ups, pacifiers, and all. Roughly about a dozen of them. Out exploring, toddling along in the grass, up to no good, about to get into something they really shouldn't, no supervision, parents having NO IDEA where they are, all belonging (somehow) to the same parents, by the way. Oh look a patch of needle-sharp cactus. What's that, a gas-powered lawn implement? Oh look, someone left a car running and the doors unlocked. Pretty! Follow me, let's climb up there....

This phrase buffers a multitude of frustrations: yes some drivers are oblivious, yes that SUV just buzzed my elbow at 45 mph, sheeze Louise there's a lot of traffic this morning and none of them seem to see me, but, At least they're not toddlers. Try it tomorrow. It's Friday. Yes your fellow human beings are up to some pretty senseless behavior some of them time. But.... Get up. Go ride.


  1. I will. Get up. Go ride. At least I'm not a toddler.

  2. Sometimes I wish I could spank SUV drivers.
    That picture reminds me a lot of Waikiki.

  3. Rantwick- not a toddler, at least. :)

    limom- I wish I could spank SUV drivers in Waikiki now.


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