Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Bumper Monster! Rawr!!

Me want bumper! Me eat bumper!

During normal, non-Halloween times of the year, a car stopping short right in front of me on a busy road for no apparent reason causing me to be one abrupt quick turn away from eating bumper would be cause for little more than a wave and a grumble.

Not today though. Today Bumper Monster emerged! 

Bumper! Me want bumper! Me eat bumper! Cut me off, stop short in front of me, nom nom nom nom nom nom! Rawr!

All cars cutting me off, all vehicles parked in the bike lane, row upon row of neat ranks of beautiful bumpers parked at the mall, all so delicious! Red bumpers, blue bumpers, black bumpers like chocolate, plastic, steel, chrome and rubber, I can taste them grinding between my teeth, yummy yummy fresh bumpers just like mama Bumper Monster used to bake!

Expensive diamond plate masculinity-enhancing pickup truck bumpers are sooooo delicious, Bumper Monster drools to think about sinking his teeth into one and tearing it off with bolts and plastic flying, nom nom nom. So yummy. The foam inside them is so sweet and delicious, Bumper Monster dreams of opening them up and savoring their creamy filling!

Imported sports car bumpers make such a satisfying sound when I tear them off and eat them! 

SUV bumpers I crunch them!

Oh so many bumpers in this city of cars and trucks to eat! NOM NOM NOM!!! BUMPER MONSTER LOVES HALLOWEEN!! BUMPER!! PLEASE CUT ME OFF I EAT YOU!!

Oh yes, the rubber-coated foam-filled yummy bumper NOM NOM NOM

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